January 26th, 2024

i haven't been writing as much here mostly because i forgot. i also haven't been sleeping well lately. i don't know if i'm diseased or anything, or if it's just stress, but i don't think anyone has ever had a good healthy january where they are happy and productive. also, i don't know who decided that it had to be dark at 5pm for like half the year, but i hope they're dead and in hell right now. whenever i have to think about something i have to do, all my organs start failing all at once. seasonal depression is kind of a bitch, because i'll be super miserable and hateful and mad and then take a shower and realize that i was just overreacting. that's really embarrasing. i've been able to get stuff that i've been procrastinating done by using it to procrastinate on something else. my dream is to one day live in a castle in ireland and become a weird vampire local story or something like that. i don't like being responsible for things, because i can barely keep myself functional. still, i've become much better at functioning like a person. i like being a leader though because i long for community. when i was in middle school i tried to start both a cult and a mafia family because i wanted friends, but neither worked out that well because at the time even if someone was in a cult i ran, they wouldn't respect me. how unfortunate.